'Knocked Up' Celebrity Edition

Jun 5 2012

‘Knocked Up’ Celebrity Edition

Ever had a one night stand? Ever think to yourself what would happen if you and that person were forced to raising a child together…

Hypothetically speaking if you were to have a one night stand with one of these celebrities, let’s think ‘Knocked Up’ by a celebrity….A drunken disaster that will haunt you for the rest of your life. No plan B pill, coat hanger or adoption service could fix that brutal night that will pave the way for the rest of your miserable existence.

You will have to endure a relationship with this person for the next 18 years. Holidays, visitations, every single week… your son or daughter will grow up with the morals, beliefs, and guidance of this gem…

Remember kids… unprotected sex is FOREVER… Happy Summer:)

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Mar 15 2012

Let’s play a friendly little game of…..

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Mar 13 2012

Win Win for the Bachelor tards

HOW do you people watch this shit!!??!! This show isn’t 16 seasons deep if it wern’t for it’s viewers. I just have never been one of them, but knowing this is what you want I almost inconceivably stomached watching last nights episode. Still wiping vomit from my chin, this is what I gathered of ’Cleft Lip Courtney’ and ’9 Week Old Sheep Dog Ben’. First of all this pair is going to make a whole new edition of garbage pail kids if they procreate. C.L.C. has the vocabulary of a 6 year old, it’s no wonder she didn’t get along with the other girls how can you have the patience to sit and listen to her try and spit out 4 letter words for 20 min. Whenever I have conversations with door knobs they think I’m a bitch too. It’s not that she was closed off, this dingbat just isn’t sharp enough to conversate. The are both clearly in this whole thing for the wrong reasons and it’s all a joke. Done. Bye. Vote for me for the next Bachelorette!

Mar 12 2012

Liev Schreiber wet Panty Contest

Talk about luck! I sit n my car every weekend beachside just waiting for dudes to come peel off their wet suits, for that one glimpse of some shriveled balls!! It’s proven better than a high school parking lot!! If he had just bent over one more centimeter we would have known what this guy had for lunch:) Naomi Watts is one lucky lady!! I mean, unless I’m in yoga it’s really tough to find a guy his age that can touch their toes. This is a bit unfair, considering wtf is he supposed to do drive in a fishy wet suit, maybe next time Simon Baker can hold a towel up to protect his friend from creepy pervy cameras. But he didn’t so we are all blessed with a glorious giggle.

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Mar 10 2012

Douchebag of the week award goes to: Jeremy Piven

There really isn’t any other guy in Hollywood I hear more people disapprove of more than this guy. He really does a number on girls and guys alike. You have so much douchiness Mr.! Co-workers, acquaintances, run-ins everyone seems to despise this sour dude. I’d really like to get to the bottom of this and figure out why you’re such a miserable prick. So I have come up with a list of possible antidotes to your unpleasant Hitler complex:

1. Lack of Omega 3 fatty acids (eat more fish)

2. Get more sun! Which helps release Vitamin D that helps with the modulation of cell growth, and aids in the reduction of inflammation of YOUR HEAD!

3. You probably have an overactive amount of bacteria called enterococci growing rapidly inside of you. (try yogurtland)

4. Eat more Protein less sugar (get the honey covered cock of of your mouth)

5. Switch your birth control pills.

Let me know if this helps wedge the learjet from your ass:)

Love Dr.J

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Mar 9 2012

The Greece Default

Just in case you waking up now, hung over from all of the low priced liquor you devoured last night, this is what you need to know.

Greece defaulted and shit is about to hit the fan, not my fan cause I use AC. As a result, the Euro is plunging, down 1.15%. With the dollar soaring higher, the US market is NOT trading lower. It’s up again and to make matters even more baffling, both gold and silver are ripping higher.

The market is honey badgering higher because the bears are too busy singing the homosexual opera, instead of weighing into commodities. The market should be down, but it isn’t because we’re all scared of getting our dicks cut off.

So all you fuckers out there, get ready for a nice vacation in Europe this summer! Liquor and whores are guaranteed to be discounted.

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